Monday, January 3, 2011

Safety First

The banquet room was wall to wall with construction workers chatting and joking merrily amongst themselves as they waited for the meeting to begin. A short lanky man approached the podium at the front of the room, tapped, and blew into the mike atop the podium.

"May I have your attention?", he said. The chatter subsided a little. "May I have your attention please?" He repeated a little louder. All quieted with the exception of a short, stout woman in the second row. "Suzy!"

She turned to face him.

"Your attention please?... Thank you!"

"First of all, I'd like to thank you all for attending Shoddy Construction's monthly safety meeting. As you all know, these meetings are required by law and blah blah blah blah. Enough said about that."

A chuckle arose from the crowd.

"Oh, and in case you didn't know, I'm Joe Pulse, your on site supervisor that's been missing in action for the last two weeks."

Another chuckle from the crowd.

"I see we have several items on our list today and as I have just returned from my vacation over the holidays, I have not had the time to review them. So I ask that you all bear with me being as the boss just handed me this list as I walked through the door.

Joe began reading the list aloud, "Item number one. First of all, thank you all for taking the effort to clear the sidewalks of snow when first arriving every day. Since our last meeting, your efforts have kept the site's new sidewalks free and clear of snow pack and ice aaannnd...... no one has slipped and fell or been injured this past month. Good work guys!"

Applause from the crowd except Suzy who stood and pointed at him.

"And ladies, Suzy", he corrected and she gave him the thumbs up and sat back down.

"However....", he continued reading and the applause ceased, "There is still an issue with the snow removal that needs your attention. When removing the snow, please shovel or sweep it strait out from the building walls over the curb. Then after we leave at the end of the day, the city will come in with loaders and trucks and remove the snow to a snow disposal area. Do not push the snow down the walk to one of the rookie's cars and then cover said rookie's car with the snow.

" Oh Come on people! This ain't a high school shop class... Geez!

"It goes on to read; Shoddy Construction will no longer cover damages caused by such, and I quote, 'Immature actions' unquote. From now on this will be the responsibility of the guilty party or parties.

"You tell 'em Boss.

"Item number two. Welders..... No more lighting your cigarettes with your torches.


"Please remove the acetylene...

"WHAT! ... You've gotta be kiddin' me....

"You guys... get the... Don't point at me Suzy!... the acetylene welder out of the smokers break shack and back on site where it belongs.

"Christ!... Can't I leave you people alone for two weeks?

"Item number three. What?... No more tag with road kill?

"Oh Nooo! What... the hell... is that? You know what.... I don't wanna know. If I see it, you're fired. That's it.

"Boss, can I have another vacation? I don't even want to look at the next item on the list.

"ITEM NUMBER FOUR! Welcome back Joe....

"Oh you sons a..."

The crowd busted out in laughter and cheers.

© 2011 Kyle Huseby all rights reserved.

Other humorous posts:
Dogs Really Do Love Cats.
Carpentry Quotes....
The 'G' Grade Point Average....